Carrying My First Child In The Labour Room Changed Me –Bob-Manuel Udokwu

Famous actor, Bob-Manuel Udokwu, speaks to GODFREY GEORGE about his parenting experience

What would be your definition of fatherhood?

Fatherhood, to me, means for the man of the house to be in charge and take responsibility for providing for the family not just financially but also physically and emotionally. An ideal father is one who provides leadership and guides the family in the direction that he wants the family to go. He is the captain of a ship in a vast ocean. In today’s world, even with the navigational aids, it doesn’t remove from the personal inputs from the captain to aid the smooth running of the ship and navigating through obstacles in the vast ocean of life and finding direction.

An ideal father is like a farmer who plants crops. He wouldn’t just go away and leave the crops like that to be overgrown by weeds but he would come around every time to check the progress of the crops, nurture them, water them when there is a need and weed out unwanted plants and give the crops a good lease of life and a chance to blossom into what they are meant to be. It is sacrifice.

In your experience as a father, what are some of the sacrifices you have made just for your family to grow?

The sacrifices are a lot. I am still sacrificing. One thing I have found out is that when you get married and begin to have children, you begin to think less about yourself and more about your family. I am from Anambra State, which makes me Igbo, and even though it is not clearly stated anywhere, as old as I am now, I can clearly tell you without fear of contradiction from any quarters, that the success of the Igbo man is seen through the prism of the family. If people see your family as being uncared for, it would show the kind of man you are. If they are not properly coordinated and do not behave well, then you have failed as a father. Fathers must do all they can, sacrifice in any way to make sure that your family comes first.

As an actor, it is given that you’d have to be on set even late nights a lot of times. How have you been able to manage all that with your role in your family?

That is a very good question, and I hope people learn from this. First of all, I have a family that understands that their father, the head of the house, is not an ordinary person. In other words, he doesn’t do an ordinary job. My work comes at odd times, odd hours and odd days. It can be unexpected or on the spur of the moment. My children, they were born to see that their father is known all over the place. So, as you are driving with them to go get a drink or something and your movie posters are everywhere and people are calling your name and waving at you, that would be the point you tell them that it was the reason you were away for the times you had to be away. Even as kids, I always told them about my work and when I had to travel. So, they were born into it. Some of them will come back from school and tell me about how people did not believe them when they said Bob Manuel-Udokwu was their father (laughs).

Balancing it would be me making extra efforts to bond with my children. When I am not doing any movie, I make sure I take them out and be with them as long as I can. If CCTVs are installed all around my house and you see what I do with my kids, you will marvel. Sometimes, I am on all fours and they climb on my back and ride me like a horse. We watch cartoons together, laugh at jokes together and just make them happy. When I travelled abroad those days, I bought them a lot of children’s programmes and I made sure I watched them (the programmes) with them and make scenes out of the characters.

Even today, we still re-enact some scenes from the cartoons we watched years earlier when they were kids. When I used to anchor Gulder Ultimate Search, they would not fail to watch it every night. So whenever I returned, they would talk to me about everything they felt about it, and I would listen.

How have you taught your children to handle fame so they don’t bring your name or brand into disrepute?

One thing I don’t fail to do is to bond with my children. They tell me what happens around them and in their lives when I am not there. I am a very disciplined father, and I made them understand that. I sometimes employ the tool of emotional blackmail. It is a secret. I would say something like, “You know out there everybody knows your dad. Do you want the whole world to see you do this and have to talk to your father in ways you would not like? The blogs, newspapers and the entire world would insult your father because of you. Is that what you want?” You would see them melt because they would imagine the scene playing out in their heads.

I have taken them to some shows and they had to get a good choice of seats just because I am their father. They know it is a privilege to have somebody like me as their father. They meet governors, senators and those who are high up there in society. So, they know they have to be careful. They know it would be in their best interest that I am trying to guide them on what to do and what not to do.

Having grown much older, they would not be economical in telling me that they are so proud and grateful to God to have a father like me.

At what point in your life did you think it was the right time to settle down; did you have to wait till you were pressured by your parents?

Nobody put me under any pressure. It was the right time. The way we were brought up as kids, we all knew how to cook. At a time in my life as a bachelor, I just needed to settle down.

How did you know your wife was the right woman for you when you met her?

I had the kind of specification I wanted for myself. I wanted a woman who would be able to hold down the home while I was away. I needed someone who could make a decision. I wanted someone who would be a partner in this business. I met her at the University of Lagos where I went to do my master’s. She was doing her first degree. So, it wasn’t as if I went looking for women to marry. I went to study for a degree but came out with two – my master’s and my wife. She is one woman who holds intelligible conversations with me and I enjoy it. She is also homely. Her mother was a teacher and the discipline was obvious in the way she spoke and acted. There was also the physical attraction. She is beautiful too. The space between the time I met her and the time we had our wedding was not up to one year. If a guy is serious about getting married, you would know. There are no excuses.

What was it like when your wife told you she was pregnant?

I cannot describe the experience. It is better experienced than being talked about. My life changed that day. That Monday morning when she was in labour, the matron told me to get something to aid the delivery. When I got back, she told me to enter the labour room.

So, you were in the labour room when your wife gave birth?

By the time she motioned me to come into the labour room and I was literally dragged in and the door behind me shut, the baby came and the matron handed the girl to me after cleaning her up. The experience was like magic. I held the baby in my hands and I didn’t even know what to do with her. When I looked at the baby, I wondered about what life was all about. That day, psychologically, emotionally, my life changed. I knew it would no longer be the status quo anymore. It was a fundamental experience that changed the dynamics of my life.

Source: Punch

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